Friday, October 27, 2006

Why Am I Routing For the Cardinals?

I hate Preston Wilson: he's not good at baseball.
I hate Juan Encarnacion: he's inconsistent and also not very good at baseball.
I hate David Eckstein: the media paints him a darling when he's just an average player.
I hate Jeff Weaver: you all know why.
I hate Ronnie Belliard: that he lets his tongue flap in the wind while batting makes me want to take hedge clippers to it.
I hate Scott Spiezio: hey, I dyed my goatee, too...when I was 17 years old. You're 34, therefore ridiculous.

Despite these despicable characters, I sit in front of my TV every night and cheer when they succeed. I get especially heated when Pujols, Rolen, Edmonds, Molina, or Miles comes to the plate. And I get really amped up when Chris Carpenter takes the mound.

The only question that remains: do I go get a Cardinals shirt to wear to the bar tonight? I'm vehemently against sports polygamy, but I'm just so excited about the prospect of the World Series ending tonight at the new Busch Stadium.

Many people call this Tigers team "likeable," but I just don't see that. Yes, I like Bondo and Verlander because they're young and exciting pitchers; same goes for Zumaya and, to an extent, Fernando Rodney. But what about the rest of the team?

Pudge: notice how he's not so pudgy or muscular anymore. Also notice when this transformation occurred and what rule began being enforced. Hmmm...
Casey: he used to be good, and he has come through big in the playoffs. I'm indifferent, leaning towards "don't like."
Polanco: loved him because he helped my fantasy team; hate him because he forced me to piecemeal an infield for the last month and a half of the season.
Guillen: he's quite good, so I can't hate him. But I don't like him by any means. Hideously indifferent
Inge: other than his 27 homers, he's not that good.
Monroe: I guess I kind of like him because he was a platooning God on my team in MVP Baseball 2004.
Granderson: young, slick leadoff hitter. Leaning towards liking him.
Magglio: fuckin jerk.
Thames: it's tough to like former Yankees who weren't with the big league team for any significant time.
Rogers: you know.
Robertson: $50 says his ERA clocks in at over 4.20 next year.

Why Am I Routing For the Cardinals?

I hate Preston Wilson: he's not good at baseball.
I hate Juan Encarnacion: he's inconsistent and also not very good at baseball.
I hate David Eckstein: the media paints him a darling when he's just an average player.
I hate Jeff Weaver: you all know why.
I hate Ronnie Belliard: that he lets his tongue flap in the wind while batting makes me want to take hedge clippers to it.
I hate Scott Spiezio: hey, I dyed my goatee, too...when I was 17 years old. You're 34, therefore ridiculous.

Despite these despicable characters, I sit in front of my TV every night and cheer when they succeed. I get especially heated when Pujols, Rolen, Edmonds, Molina, or Miles comes to the plate. And I get really amped up when Chris Carpenter takes the mound.

The only question that remains: do I go get a Cardinals shirt to wear to the bar tonight? I'm vehemently against sports polygamy, but I'm just so excited about the prospect of the World Series ending tonight at the new Busch Stadium.

Many people call this Tigers team "likeable," but I just don't see that. Yes, I like Bondo and Verlander because they're young and exciting pitchers; same goes for Zumaya and, to an extent, Fernando Rodney. But what about the rest of the team?

Pudge: notice how he's not so pudgy or muscular anymore. Also notice when this transformation occurred and what rule began being enforced. Hmmm...
Casey: he used to be good, and he has come through big in the playoffs. I'm indifferent, leaning towards "don't like."
Polanco: loved him because he helped my fantasy team; hate him because he forced me to piecemeal an infield for the last month and a half of the season.
Guillen: he's quite good, so I can't hate him. But I don't like him by any means. Hideously indifferent
Inge: other than his 27 homers, he's not that good.
Monroe: I guess I kind of like him because he was a platooning God on my team in MVP Baseball 2004.
Granderson: young, slick leadoff hitter. Leaning towards liking him.
Magglio: fuckin jerk.
Thames: it's tough to like former Yankees who weren't with the big league team for any significant time.
Rogers: you know.
Robertson: $50 says his ERA clocks in at over 4.20 next year.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Where do Honeydews Go For the Summer?

John Cougar Mellencamp! Badum-CHING!

I contend that his appearance before Game Two last night was the most uninteresting moment in World Series history. Who cares about John Mellencamp, anyway? Yeah, he had some hit songs back in the day, but the more I listen to them, the more boring they are. He's on my iPod, and I can't remember a time in the last year when I haven't immediately hit "next song" when he came up on Random.

But what was the point? No one wanted to hear his crappy song; we hear it two dozen times every Sunday during football. Not to mention, it's a shitty song. It's generic, contrived, and a last-ditch effort to make some money before everyone realizes he's completely washed up. Plus, didn't he cover that base with "Ain't That America"?

So John tops the "Fuck you" list of Game Two. The rest:

Kenny Rogers: Of course he's up there. I still want to see him start on the road, but that's not going to happen.
Jeff Weaver: For looking like the Weaver of old after looking like his younger self in the Mets series.
Albert Pujols: Dude, we're depending on you for the upset of the year. You're killin' us here.